


Poles Of The Same Magnet

by Elphy



Series: The Law That's Called Love [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Gay Relationship, M/M, Murphamy Week, Violation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-21 23:32:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14295849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elphy/pseuds/Elphy
Summary: "It’s your home from now on. Our home.""Everything is so peaceful, but strange. It's different somehow. Or I was changed too much? How will I get used to this?"





	1. New Life Starting

**Author's Note:**

> Continue the dream about the unique but true love between Murphy and Bellamy. They still deserve happiness. Together. Enjoy it as I enjoyed writing.

MURPHY

“Clarke! We need a doctor!” he yells as we step through the gate of the camp. Brilliant. Everyone stares at me. So awkward, I never was so embarrassed… I can walk, let me down! Why would he listened to me? He is still the boss.

“You need a psychiatrist! We had enough problems even without him!” That was nice Griffin, at least I know that I am just a problem for you. I don't need a doctor. But Bell forces that she have to see my broken foot. Firstly. After that, she should take care of the other wounds… no thanks. I'm fine.

If Bell wants something, that shall be done. He sits me down to a trunk and holds my leg that Griffin can take a look at it. She removes the piece of Finn's t-shirt, while she was grumbling for the waste, and looks at me if it would be my fault. 

My foot looks really ugly and frightening. It's swollen and dark purple or rather light black… and it hurts even when Griffin just looks at it. Stop it princess, don't dare to touch me! Hey, leave me, I'm fine, I'M FIIIIINEEE! Shit… I still have the guardian. He grabs Griffin's wrist so as to prevent the continuation of what she does. Her face would make me laugh in other situation. But Bell amazes me. He is… majestic.

Bad news, not my toes are broken but the tiny bones in my foot. I should not have been walk as Griffin says, not a single step. I might be lame in the rest of my life. The way Bell looks at me causes huge remorse. My father had seen with this 'I told you’ expression when I did something wrong despite his warning. Bell loves me as much as my father did. Or even better.

And what should I do to avoid this somber future? Nothing else but rest. Absolutely no walking. Awesome. And I must keep it high, and I have to lie because sitting makes the blood circulation more difficult. How long does it take for the injury to heal? When can I walk again? She doesn't know. Maybe a week, maybe more. It depends on my prudence.

She quickly takes a look at the other wounds, including my right eye, then she says there is nothing serious, keep them clean and all of them will be healed soon. I told that I don't need a doctor… 

Walking is not allowed, Bell have to carry me into his tent. I'm in the leader's tent! I live here from now on! The bed is soft and comfy, and large enough for two persons. I got pillows and blankets, I feel like a king. My knight sits next to me, caresses a lock of hair out from my blind eye. “Welcome home Murphy.” he says. And smiles so lovely that I'm melting from it.

Fine. I'm hungry again, my stomach gives noisy sign about this fact. He laughs at me! He laughs at my hunger! Just wait, Bellamy Blake, wait until my hands will be recovered enough. I will pay for your mocking. This is the second time that you taunted me. Just wait…

I'm so tired. I should sleep while he is away and bring me some real food. Everything is so peaceful, but strange. It's different somehow. Or I was changed too much? How will I get used to this? 

Oh, he returned so soon? I have obviously fallen asleep. Roasted meat! He brought dinner to me. Oh shit, I was so hungry, this piece of meat is fantastic. I don't even care of what kind of animal was it before became food. My happiness is complete. Umm, almost complete. I miss his touch, I need hundreds of kisses. 

The same thoughts come to his mind as I see. Good boy, take his clothes off… let me delight in the sight. He gave me delicious meal, I should give him similar style of gift. I have a surprise to him.   
Lie down beside me my love.   
“I will show you something new… close your eyes…”

 

BELLAMY

Good to see you again Clarke. I miss you too. For god's sake don't preach just cure my friend. My boyfriend, more correctly. Geez, this looks awful. How the hell could he walk with this foot? Incredible. 

OK doctor Griffin, will be enough. Stop touching him. You should know everything what you need. What…? I knew it, I told you Murph that don't walk! Why are you so stubborn? Oh boy, I can't handle this remorseful expression of you. Everything will be fine, I promise. Don’t worry, I'll take care of you. And you will be an obedient boy, if you want to be healthy.

Here we are, my residence. It's pretty comfortable, don't you think? Now you can use the entire bed… do you feel well enough? It’s your home from now on. Our home. You can't imagine how much I love you. My sweet tempter. 

My sweet hungry tempter… you could eat really non stop. Sorry for my laughing but your grumpy face is so cute, I can't stop it. Now I'm going and bring you some food. Real food, not vegetables. I'll go hunting if it's necessary. Don't move till I'm away!

This camp changed nothing while I was on the rescue mission. Everyone is doing the same, it's chaotic a bit, but I call this freedom. Let's see where I can get some food. I must admit I'm hungry too. I have to see Mark. He was wounded when saved our life. I want to thank his bravery. He must be inside the dropship. With Clarke of course. Eventually I can't avoid meeting with her forever. But Mark first.

Hey dude, what's up? You looks good, what happened there, tell me why did you turn back? You should have ran to the opposite direction with Atom. Oh… well then, I owe my life to you. If you wouldn't have noticed that grouder, we would be dead. Thanks dude. Just tell me if you need something. Anything. 

“Bellamy!”   
Damn, not now Clarke. I'm hungry, thirsty and tired. What's so important, that couldn't wait until tomorrow?  
“We need to talk. About the rules….”  
“No rules Clarke. I'm not a leader anymore. And don't need to talk. You're a great ruler, you will solve the problems.”  
“What it means you won't be a leader? I need you to stop this chaos. You created these anarchists, now lead them!”  
“Clarke, the point of anarchy is that there are no rules and no leader. Mainly not me. I found my place on the ground…”  
“With HIM? Don't be ridiculous!”  
“Yes with him. You have problems with it?”  
“But…”  
“Butt…?”  
“You're an idiot. Like your friend.”  
“Thanks. It's a praise from your mouth. Are we done?”  
I don't wait for her answer. I have to look for dinner. He must be starving. By the campfire, surely there will I find something. 

Hey, Octavia… together with Atom. Great. Enjoy each other, I won't horn in your happiness since I found mine. It wouldn't be fair. What's the menu today? Rabbits? Perfect. I'm going to hunt tomorrow. 

He fell asleep… how cute when sleeping. How innocent. How the hell was I able hurt him? Hmm, I knew that the hunger is stronger than tiredness. Hey, slow down, the bones aren't eatable. 

To where did my fatigue disappear? The way you look at me… pure lust, essence of desire. I want you, now, more than anything else! Oh what's this smile sweetie? A new naughty idea? Show me...

“...close your eyes…”

 

BELLAMY

Close my eyes? Why? Just do it, as Miller said… let's play. But now I don't see him. Last time he asked me to do nothing. That was the best, far the best experience of my life. Now he asks me to close my eyes… can this enjoyment be enhanced? Scarcely. But give a try.

Oh yes, kiss me. As I'm lying on my back, he covers me with his body, kisses my forehead, caresses my nose with his lips, like he did on the rock. How can he be so slow? It's hundred times more exciting than anything else. Our lips meet… our tongues meet… our desire meet as well.

He breaks the kiss, continues caressing me with his lips. My chin, my jawline, my ears… my neck… every inch, until my skin begins to burn and my heart want to break my ribs. How can he do this? Witchcraft. This boy… I can't believe him… he continues the trip of his lips, kisses my nipples oh boy don't stop it! Slowly pulls the tip of his tongue through my chest. Then goes down, towards my stomach, takes a rest by my belly button… Holy sweetness...! What are you doing? No! I don't want… I don't… oh damn! You are the demon of love. 

That's a miracle what he does with his tongue. May this possible, this level of passion? He kisses my cock, holy shit! It's so pervert… but too good, too good to stop him. Can't breathe. I have to use my hands, I grab his hair. Maybe pulling it too tight but he doesn't mind it. My fingers are shaking. The surrounding world ceases to exist. I don't feel my spine, my bones are melting, there is nothing outside of the joy. But why is he so fucking slow? I became impatient and begin to move my hips but he pushes me down with his hands. No escape. 

I'm getting close to the end… but my cock is still in his mouth, I don't want to feed him with my seeds, no way, that won't happen… oh no… his tongue found my balls. Indescribable… the feeling as he licks my tools. That's the end… I can't hold myself back anymore… I'm drowning in a devastating sweet cramp.  
Holy  
Shit  
Murph!   
I love you so much…

 

MURPHY

Close your eyes my sweetness. Won't regret it. Just do it. I help you, by kissing your eyes. Much better. Don't open until I say. The main role is mine tonight. I will teach you the importance of kisses. Never underestimate the power of my lips. You know it well, my mouth is the real tempter of you, am I right?

Of course yes. I kiss you everywhere, slowly, because I know that it drives you crazy. Oh I see a few cute spots on your neck what I made with my lips, too. Delicious memories… Let's travel further downwards. Your nipples looks like chocolate chips. I have never tasted that chocolate thing, but I'm sure it couldn't be sweeter than you. Do you like what I do? Of course yes. My tongue has own life. It discovers your body, it loves wandering around your skin. Hmmmm I found a small pit on your stomach. I have to check it closer.

U-huh, we reached the final destination. No-no-no, keep your eyes closed. Don't be so shy, I won't devour you. Just a little bit… a little bite. You know, I'm always hungry, I want more flesh, a delicate kind of it, exactly what you have. And I know you need it, all you need is plenty of new experiences. You are too bashful. But that's what I adore in you. Don't deny that you enjoy my gift. 

Pull my hair? That's what you like? Not bad at all… you are not able to hurt me. I enjoy your touch, any touch of you. Nice to feel the tremors in your fingers playing with my hair. No, you are not ready for finishing… trust me, I know what I do and what you need. Just relax, everything is about your pleasure… the slow pace is the part of my gift. Don't move. Stop hurry me, it's my game, with my rules, right now I do whatever I want. My palms feel your urgent wish by holding your hips, the tension is touchable… and only that counts. Taste your balls… my tongue is curious, I let it discover unknown areas. This time I stop here to remain something for later. Isn't a skillful thing my tongue? If you want I teach you this… I would be so happy teacher. 

Aaaand you arrived the finish line as I see. I won't increase the speed, you have to reach the end by yourself, slowly but surprisingly, the most enjoyable way. Oh yes… that's what I want, an ecstasy, an ultimate pleasure.   
Because your happiness is only important to me.  
In this moment  
and in the future  
Forever.


	2. The Hunter And The Prey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've never scared so deadly. Never felt myself so powerless."
> 
> "How important I became suddenly! I hate this extreme attention."

BELLAMY

What a night… I can't believe it happened with me. My love is a little warlock, there isn't any other opportunities. What he does every time with me, I cannot express with words. How many times can I reborn by his kisses? He was right, his mouth is my true tempter, my blood is boiling even if I look at him. 

Like now, my lust is getting wake up. Sleeping beauty. I could stare at him for weeks. But I have to go hunting, before my permanently hungry boy eats me. I wouldn't mind, by the way.

Let's go. What's this crowd? For what are they waiting? For me…? But why? Damn hell, I should say who goes to hunt and who will guard the camp? Oh shit. I do it. But all of them know who are the best hunters… they don't need me to choose. I'm going with the group which checks the traps. I have no mood to kill anything.

Hey, not bad! Rabbits, birds, and two little striped boars. No one will starving for a while. Neither my sweetie. 

There's something wrong?  
“Clarke said you don't want to be our leader. Is she right?” one of my teammates asks. Holy shit! You will pay for it Miss Griffin.  
“What do you want from me? Anyone can be such a boss like me. I'm unsuitable for the task.” I thought this is enough. The post is free and there are dozens of ambitious kid among us.  
“You we're a guard on the Ark. No one would be more suitable than you.”  
I'm confused that I don’t know his name, and it's very awkward that they want only me for their leader. OK at the beginning I wanted it too, but that's the past already. I've changed. I'm in love. I head back to the camp, miss my boy so badly.

They say we have to check some further traps too. I don't really understand why. We should take back the prey to the camp, and only at afternoon return to here for the others. As we do since we are hunting with traps. It's not logical… except if they want to keep me away from the camp! Fucking SHIT!!!

 

MURPHY

It's morning again? So soon? Nights are too short when you enjoy being with your lover. I wonder where is he now? When will come back… and what should I do until his return. Walking isn't allowed. I'm booooring! And hungry...

Yeah I'm boring. But it's also true that I don't want to meet the others. They did nothing when I almost died. When I was almost killed. Oh Bell, I miss you so much.

I wouldn't like visitors… I need nobody else than him. What do these guys want? I send them to the hell.  
“Blake isn't here, as you see. You neither should…” umm, they aren't looking for Bell. It seems not good, really not good.  
“You should be dead. We fix this failure.”  
I remember this blond guy, from the prison. He is a real murderer… not good, and getting even worse. I can't fully use my hands, I can't run away, I'm defenceless like a newborn child. And naked as the same. Definitely not good…  
“What's wrong with you men? What did I do against you?” stretch the time Murphy and think!  
“Bellamy is acting like a woman since he came back. Because of you!”  
“Woman? I have experienced just the opposite…” oh shut up you idiot! Probably I never will think before talk. Mostly because I die in this moment…  
“Stay in silence, then I do it fast.” the blonde said while the other steps behind me and covers my mouth with his dirty hand. Why happens this to me every time? I did nothing! I would have deserved some happiness… 

 

BELLAMY

Too late… not again… I can't live this through again! If something bad happened to him I kill everyone in this godforsaken camp. Clarke in first! Go Blake, you're so fucking slow! How far is that fucking camp! Get out of my way you fool, no matter who you are, where is my tent… oh shit! I will break my neck. 

The tent is quiet… is it good? Or the worst…? I should be positive, he is alive, he is OK, he is my little hungry demon…

Octavia?? What is she doing here?  
“Hi bro, I just visited my new brother-in-law if you don't mind. He needed my company very much.”  
I understand nothing. Could somebody explain? Murphy says nothing… and he looks frightened, his breath is heavy, and O is embarrassed too, something bad happened here. I feel. I know. 

Well, my sister will talk about the past few minutes, I'm listening.  
“I came in the last moment Bell, they were two, they wanted to kill him. When I appeared they've escaped, but one of them said they will be back. What does this mean?”  
I think I know… but hardly believe. I make sure of he is all right, ask O to stay with him till I do something important. As I turn back I bumped into Finn… what the hell does he want here? I'm getting mad… but Octavia grabs my arm.  
“Stay calm bro, he sent me here.”  
I just nod. Stay calm? The princess sent assassins to kill my boy and I should be CALM? No… no way. She is in the dropship obviously...  
“Clarke! We must talk!” I shout already from the door. She is here as I expected.  
“So if YOU want to talk I must be ready. But now I haven't mood to talk Bellamy.”  
“We are going to talk princess. About the assassins you've sent to my tent.” I can't speak, my voice is just a deep, threatening groan. She looks scared. The anger and disappointment start exploding inside me.  
“I sent nobody there. That was their own idea. I just… I can't lead this people alone. I need your help. But as long as he is with you… nothing else counts for you.”  
“You can lead the gang with Finn…”  
“Finn? He is not a warrior like you.”  
“And then what? He is smart, and the others are all warriors… you love him, or not?” I see her tears and feel her regret but don't care about it. I see her nod, I hear her muted 'yes’ and the fury is flooding me like waves of the sea.  
“Tell me something Clarke. You are in love but you want to kill mine. Why? Tell me, you also would wish his death if he would be a girl? Answer me!”  
“I don't know Bell. But I remember him from the prison. He is a crazy psychotic monster who had sex with almost everyone even with Miller... you deserve better…”  
I can't say anything. I was the monster who created him, by my ignorance. She wouldn't understand it, and I don't want to explain. I need fresh air… before my mind stops working and do what I regret later.

I have two options… one, I stay with him in every moment until he is fully recovered. And two, I hire bodyguards. Like Octavia. And Atom. And probably Miller. I can trust no one else. But first I have to see him, he needs me after that.

Finn is still in my tent? Seriously? Get out of here! Now! I can't speak again, just to groan, almost to bark like a dog. Thank you O, I solve this. I want to stay alone with my boy. Alone! Get out!  
“I would stay with him in the future if you mind. After I helped rescue him, I won't let him to be killed. I'm going to cool down the moods, no one will hurt him.” Finn says.  
I look at him, and my deadly anger slowly decrease. Do whatever you want just save my boy. Finn taps my shoulder friendly, then leaves the tent. Octavia is following him, but when she reaches me, whispers into my ear “he is cute when scared” and run after Finn. Thanks for saving him… both of you.

 

MURPHY

“Hello, can I visit my new brother-in-law?”  
Octavia…? Help me girl, if you can! She has the same royal appearance as his brother. My thugs don't seems afraid of her. But she is brave, come dangerously close to the blond guy who is ready to stab me in any moment. Looking at the height difference O has not too much chance. 

I terribly underestimated her. Didn't pass a single minute since she came into the tent and she get the knife from the blondie. She uses the power of surprise. Fuck, the other will break my neck… I have to do something… run out of air soon… The blanket, if I could throw it to him he may become blind temporary. It should work, must be working!

Yess, they leave finally, but only because Octavia's courage, she threatened them to scream. Brave girl. I wish if I would be half so great. Well I'm naked like a slug. Using the blanket to cover myself, in late of course. She doesn't seems impressed. Although I'm not attracted to girls, her ironic smirk annoys me. Her bro looked at me with more pleasure. 

She rearranges the pillows beneath my broken leg. Her moves are very gentle. Unusually. “You should foment it with cold stuff, would heal faster. Ummmm… you and Bell, are really together?”  
Yes we are. “Do you hate me for that too?”  
“Of course not!” she smiles. “Since you are, he doesn't deal with me too much, so I have to grateful to you. I can date!”  
OK, fair enough. At least one of “my” people don't want to kill me for loving the boss. 

“They've treated you horribly.” she looks at my wounds and sits next to me on the bed. She might know why that guys wanted to erase me from the group. They've said I should be dead, I made a woman from Bellamy. Octavia begins to say something but we hear coming footsteps outside the tent. She grabs the blonde assassin's knife and springs up. Huge dread is overwhelming me. It's impossible to get used to the permanent intimidation.

Bell! He looks as same frightened as us. Stroking his sister's arm, he steps close to the bed to see nothing bad happened to me. He reminded me of a furious wild animal, his face reflects too many emotions, including fear and rage. After O told him our story my guardian caresses my face and go out of the tent, almost driving Finn up. 

So Finn saved my life originally? So it means Clarke is in the action too? And Bell went to her a minute ago? All of this crap happens only because we love each other? That's insane! I'm getting sick and have to puke. Thanks gods above, they don't talk to me, we're waiting for Bell's return in perfect silence. For long, long minutes.

If that's possible, he seems more upset as former, he is ready to attack Finn… but Octavia restraints the fight between them. Good, I would hate to watch that match. If I could trust my ears, Finn offered to be my bodyguard. Along with O. How important I became suddenly! I hate this extreme attention. I want only Bell. Fortunately he wants only me.  
Nothing else counts.

 

MURPHY

It's cold here. I'm freezing. And shivering. The familiar emptiness floods me. I'm broken again. Covering my face by my hands. And I feel a strong wish to cry. I survived an outrage… my life still isn't in safe. 

Soft touch on my arm. Following by an even softer kiss. He caresses me with his lips. This is not an erotic movement, doesn't contain that well-known lust I felt during our former intimate togetherness. He tries to calm me despite his own fear. He feels the danger too. We can lose each other. He must be the boss again to prevent this hell.

My guardian lies besides me, embraces me whispering into my ears, his voice is like cat's purr, relaxing. I remove my hands from my face, I want to look at him. I knew we shouldn't have returned to here. He is smiling at me, caresses my cheeks with the tip of his fingers. And I calm down slowly. I caress his face too, pulling my thumb through on the line of his lips. More than once. He exhales a kiss to my finger. I fall asleep cuddling him.

I want the sun never to rise anymore…

 

BELLAMY

I've never scared so deadly. Never felt myself so powerless. When I took care only for Octavia I always knew what should I do, how can I protect her. But now, I'm weak. The thought of possibility to losing him leeches all of my strength. I can't save him.

He is shivering but doesn't cry… or at least I hope he doesn't cry, covers his face. I need to touch him. Make him comfortable. Calm him down. Though I'm scared too. A wise man said somewhere in the past that fear is just one of those things what prove that we're truly alive. Only that man can be brave who defeat the fear. So many wisdom, and all are useless. 

As I caress him both of us begin to calm down. Our pulse get slowing. I send a smile to him but he doesn't requite it. He's in shock yet. I don't wonder. Maybe he doesn't smile, but gives the caressing back. I dive into the unrealistic blue ocean of his eyes and continue pamper him until he falls asleep. I'm guarding his dream.

I could do anything for his safety.


	3. Monster With Green Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Everyone does whatever they want except me. But it was my idea fuck you all!"
> 
> "His voice is so deep, barely can understand what he says. And I wish I wouldn't have understood."

MURPHY

Morning… what a hateful thing. I'm alone again. To where he went? Why left me here? I need to go out… awkward moment when it's forbidden to walk. And I'm still naked. Anyhow, I have to get up… umm I MUST get up. Now. 

Oh shit, it hurts. But it seems not so ugly now, less purple and maybe less swollen. Pants, shirt, a left boot, let's go… as if it would be so easy. Here is nothing I could rely on. I need to go out!

Oh Finn, the good spirits have sent you, help me please. I need to take a pee… as soon as possible. Okay, I won't use my leg, just bounce I swear. Oh… I can use your shoulder? Chivalrous. We don't have to go far just behind the tent. The fence is near, no one can see us. That's perfect…

Virtually I feel good already. If my foot wouldn't have hurt, I could go hunting or could do something useful. I'm boring… sooo booooring. Finn is staying with me in the tent. We could talk. Probably.  
“Is your duty today to take care of me? Like a jailer?”   
“Do you feel you are in jail?” he asks back. 1:0 to him.   
“I'm boring. I want to heal faster.” complaining helps a bit. Octavia’s advice comes to my mind: foment it with cold stuff. I tell this to Finn. And he brings fresh water and bandage. What the heck, I have a servant! Cool!

Not so cool, ouch! His hands are less tender like in the forest, or I became more sensitive, who knows. Cold stuff putting on, pillows are on their place. Now I'm just hungry, and thirsty, and lonely. I want food, drink and Bell. But I have only Finn. 

Who finds out my thoughts. Impressive. I get to eat, to drink, I feel like a chancellor. After the breakfast he refreshes the bandage on my foot, much more carefully than earlier. Meanwhile he is talking to me about his past, he has a girlfriend on the Ark. A mechanic.   
“What about Clarke then?” I ask.   
“Do you think we will meet again those who left above? In this life?” he asks with sorrow.   
“I think everything is possible. Look at me and Bell. What was the odd for this happens? Less than nothing.”   
He becomes serious, looking strangely at me. He seems as he would like to tell me something what I shouldn't hear. His watching eyes begin to become uncomfortable...  
“Exactly that is the reason for I am here with you. Saving this unreal fortune.” he smiles. 

From now on I don't feel so lonely.

 

BELLAMY

NO!   
No… damn nightmare. I hate this.   
It's still dark, I didn't sleep much. Thanks gods he is sleeping peacefully. I don't see him in this blackness but hear his breathing. It's slow and steady. He isn't dreaming. Not like me… I still see that horror. In my nightmare I found him dead here. How could I prevent this? 

I should be the boss again. But I have no mood. Also needed a long conversation with Clarke about accepting my relationship. She is a hard opponent, and dangerous enemy. I need none of them. 

What do I do with the assassins? Most willingly I would kill them. A very cruel way…   
What kind of monster was I when I hanged him up? I'm disgusted from myself. Impossible for me to be able to change back to that man who I was then. But I must to play the boss. For his sake.

It's dawn soon. So sorry I leave you alone sweetie. You will be not really alone, I hire you bodyguards. Finn looks good choice, until he takes care of you I can talk with his girl. That's the plan for today… playing the boss’s role and deal with the princess. I'm standing in front of an endless day.

Better if I start to work. The sun goes higher and higher, will be daylight soon, and when I will see you, cannot leave you here. A quick kiss fits into the time. Or two… or three. OK stop this Blake.

Stunning sunrise over the trees. A boss doesn't pay attention to such things. It's not allowed to act like a woman. Peak of madness. Let's check the camp. The fire is burning, the guards are on their place, those guys whose duty is bringing water do their job, why do they need me here?

Bitter grouch empowering me. Everyone does whatever they want except me. But it was my idea fuck you all! I wash my face with icy water. Go to Clarke's tent till I can keep my cold blood. Oh Finn, great to see you.   
“Sorry for being rude yesterday. I accept your offer, please take care of Murphy today. Just until I play the boss.”  
“No problem” he said. That's all. Things are so easy with him. I envy his smart simpleness. But Clarke didn't wake up yet, I have to wait. 

Hey… there is one of those vermin who attacked him. My rage takes control on me, I raid over him like a rabid dog, I could tear him with bare hands, I want to do it, I feel the eager to kill this pile of shit… and I beat his face, I'm NOT a woman you son of a bitch, thick red fog is overcasting my eyesight. 

“BELLAMY!!! You kill him, stop it!” it's Clarke… I stop. My mind becomes clear. Slowly. The guy under me is unconscious and bleeding heavily but I feel absolutely no sorry for what I did. He tried to kill my boy! My love! My whole body is shaking, it hurts to breathe, it hurts to move. As I lift my head up I see that my little action had large audience. Now they could see at least that I'm not a woman… they could see what I'm able for him.

It's necessary to talk with Clarke, as long as she is under the effect what I did. She looks shocked. That's good, she'll listen to me. I don't want to be rude but the anger haven't poured from me yet. I tell her that I return as a leader if it's needed but I'm not the same as I was a week ago. Whether she understands it or not, I do everything for my love.   
“I'm warning you, if something, anything happens to him in my absence, that will be your responsibility.”  
“Mine? Nonsense! You are who wanted to kill him first!”  
Fucking shit, I've almost hit her like the man out there. But she's right. I know it well, no need to remind me. 

I'm going to go hunting today. In this moment I WANT to kill!

 

MURPHY

“What was that chaos in the morning?” I asked Finn. He stops to waggle the chair and looks at me so seriously as earlier.   
“Nothing” answers after few minutes. This guy is too poor liar. Come on, something important happened, the camp was so loud that I woke up for the noise. Then I didn't think any critical, but now, seeing his expression I changed my mind. He can't handle my mesmerising gaze.  
“It was Bellamy. He attacked the guy who wanted to kill you yesterday. Your… partner... almost beat him to death. With bare hands.”  
My partner. Good phrase. Suits to Finn. He is always too polite. So Bell took revenge. If this helped him to calm down it's okay. I'm not happy for his aggression but understand it. 

When I tell this to Finn, he became more serious. If it's possible. Bell didn't calmed down, he went hunting. He went to kill. As Finn says he was extremely furious when left the camp. I wonder why.   
“Both of you changed a lot.” said Finn. “Mainly you. You became… nice. But Bellamy, he is more frustrated since he accepted his feelings for you.”

Am I nice? Really? This guy is drunk. That's true I less care about the happenings around me, and don't feel urgent wish to hurt everyone with words and actions because of my bitterness. I'm not bitter anymore. Bell's love brought me the satisfaction. From million fragile shards I became a solid whole. And this is the best feeling I ever had. I thought Bell feels the same, but it seems he had the opposite effect. 

“One thing is obvious, no one will attack you in the future.” Finn says. Pretty sure that Clarke isn't happy for his man taking care of me. Bad luck for her. But if he's right, and I'm not in danger I don't need bodyguards… it will be boring to lie here alone day by day.  
“Probably you won't need guards… but a friend, might be useful.” he says. And smiles at me. Like a friend. It's touching, I've never had a friend.

The hunters are back. They were successful as we hear the cheering. A few minutes after Bell appears in the tent, covered by blood and mud, I just hope that the blood is not his. Finn immediately leaves us with a short greeting. Bell is strange… I haven’t seen him so upset this far. What’s wrong with him? I have to ask...

“He was here all day?” he asks back. Of course he was here, moving is forbidden to me. Bell’s eyes are black now, not those pleased chocolate drops what I love. He has big problem but doesn’t tell me what is that. Without a word he disappears, and some time later returns, he took a shower. I can see that the blood belonged to the prey he killed. That’s good at least. Moreover I get dinner! 

He is still speechless. I have to do something against this. I pull myself closer to him. Sitting silently on the bed without shirt he looks too vulnerable. I caress his shoulder, his back, caress him with my lips as he loves. He is lying next to me, and kiss me back. Desperately. This lack of lust scared me, but I give him what he want, if this moment he want only kissing, I give him that. After 2 years waiting I won’t be impatient. 

 

BELLAMY

What’s happening to me? Why I cannot be happy like in the hideout car? I got everything I dreamed. But instead of enjoy my fortune I became angry… and I act as if it would be Clarke's fault. Partly it is. She turned those guys who are susceptible to rebellion against us. She always reminds me that I wanted to kill him. But she doesn’t know why I did that, as she neither know what I feel now because of that. She doesn’t know and perhaps never will, how much I love my boy. It hurts. To know that he is mine, only mine despite all of cruelty, isn’t a comfortable feeling. It should be, but doesn’t. Why?

Let’s focus to the hunting. Our people need food before the winter. To kill something living must be satisfactory. The animals feel our presence, we find nothing, neither a damn mouse. The fresh air helps me too. Go further, we need food.

Finally, these clues are promising. Deers are in the near. Oh yes, a whole herd. We're surrounding them… and the bloodshed begins.

Three stags. The richest prey so far. It will not be easy to carry the carcasses back to the camp. Fighting and killing these huge animals filled us with adrenaline, this kind of excitement cannot be replaced by anything else. Not even by sex. He will understand that. Hopefully.

I'm so dirty as never before. The blood of the deers and lots of mud covers me from top till toe. Wonderful feeling! All of us are proud and happy, our return to the camp is the entrance of the heroes. Only my glory is not complete. I miss him, but in the same time I don't want him to be with me now. I'm confused…

I changed. I'm changing… I've died and reborn there on that rock, the new existence of Bellamy Blake is not the final form yet. I'm still changing. And I don't know how long it will take and what will I become. I need to see him immediately…

Finn? Oh shit I forgot him. He was all day with my boy together. Son of a bitch… nah I know, I asked him to stay with Murphy… I begin to go crazy. It would be salutary if I would wash off the dirt.

Here I am sweetie. I brought dinner to you. You looks different. Have a liking for Finn? This thought, this sneaky feeling is like backstab. My anger turns into sadness. Why I can't trust him? Because of Clarke's words? I deserve better than the whore of the prison, she said... For me he is the best, no matter what he have done, I did worse. I love him, more than would be allowed, mainly when he does this caressing moves with his lips… I need to know he is mine. Only mine. I hope his kisses give me the certainty what I want. 

MURPHY

A whole week passed this way. I have healed while he was going to hunt every day. Winter is coming, the camp needs food, he said. I spent a lot of time in Finn's company, he became the best friend of mine. Such like a brother. I talked him about my past, my feelings, my doubts and hope, and about my endless love for Bell from the beginning. He always listened to me, paid attention to my words. And never laughed, never judged me. I don't wonder Clarke loves him, this guy is the smartest and kindest person I've ever seen.

Two days ago I got the permission to try walking. A few steps in first. My legs are terribly weak, Finn helps me to hold myself standing. And it hurts so badly, that after three steps I'm crying. His patience is admirable, his quiet words encourage me. With his help two days is enough to regain my walking skills, though in very slowly form. But I can walk again by myself. The best part of it that I don't need a chaperone when the nature calls me. 

Today morning after that Bell went away with the group of hunters as usual, Finn emerged in the tent. He was so excited as never before. The weather is unusually warm today, the others enjoy the sunshine, it's the best opportunity to make a trip to the forest. I think I'm not ready for hiking yet… but Finn's opinion is different. He wants to show me something. His behaviour makes me curious. 

“Listen Murphy, remember well the path to find it again. Got it? We're going slowly, you have as much time as you need to carve everything into your mind. Okay? Not too far, don't worry.” I become even more curious. What the hell wants he to show? 

I remark every details even the tiniest. In the near of a huge pile of weeds Finn stops. Almost there, he said. But here is absolutely nothing. Except this messy plants at the foot of a rock wall… that's the secret? No it's not. The secret hides BEHIND it… fuck. Finn says it's worth to go further. When he notices my face, begins to smile and take my jawline between his palms, like Bell did by our first kiss… but Finn doesn't want to kiss me.   
“Trust me!” he says and opens a gap in the bushes. He goes in first by holding my wrist, through an unbelievably tight path, I must walk carefully between the roots and branches. But in the end… fucking shit! He was right. This place is worth anything.

A glade lies here, surrounded by tall rocks.   
“Look at there!” he says and turn my head to the correct direction. I can't believe what I see… it must be a dream. At the far end of the glade I see a huge, flat rock, which is too familiar, it reminds me of our rock in the river. It seems a bit bigger, and this one is partially covered by moss. More comfortable. 

Wait a minute… from where did he know about that I will be interested in this place? I shared plenty of my memories with him but I'm completely sure the day of joy wasn't among them. Then how?   
“I'm smart you know. I was there with Miller in the forest when he didn't let me out of the trees. In that moment I saw nothing but next day I went back. I can imagine what Miller saw. When I found this place accidentally, I knew that you will happy if I show it. Mark the path and bring Bellamy here. Nobody else know about this hideout only two of us.” 

I should say thank you or something like that but I'm totally speechless. I want to run back to the camp and return here immediately with Bell. I see Finn's wise smile, he understands me again. As always. 

Although the secret glade isn't too far, the hunters have arrived sooner than we. I was afraid of this, Bell is surely angry at me. He is jealous, as Finn said. Jealous of what? I don't really understand but I know that he is right. Bell has a problem since we came back, and I have to find out what is it.

Like I thought he is angry. Furious. Creepy. His voice is so deep, barely can understand what he says. And I wish I wouldn't have understood.  
“I don't want to see you here. Never again! Get away with this pimp. NOW!”

 

BELLAMY

Day after day… nothing important happened for ages. We came back as a couple ten days ago. It seems an eternity. As if that day by the river would be only a dream. I still love him more than anything else, but I'm more and more frustrated with each passed days. I want him again, I want to feel him inside me and I want to give back the pleasure to him. But I can't… I'm not able to do it here. The wish is painful, hunting doesn't help anymore. 

Finn spend every moment with my boy. I know I asked him for that, but his constant presence makes me nervous. Murphy is not in danger already, no guard needed. However, he can't move, so he needs a nurse. A nurse who helps him to wash his body for example.  
Shit...Finn spend too much time with him.

Clarke thinks the same. Nothing good comes from the fact that they are always together. This is the first time we agree. She advises that I should stop going to hunt. Be the nurse, replace Finn and take care of my boy by myself. Because he is mine. My responsibility. I know this, but can't handle the situation.

A couple of days ago Clarke said that Murphy should try to walk. Slowly, carefully, with someone's support. She asked me again that do this myself instead of Finn. Before they do something unwished… so Clarke doesn't trust Finn. But I trust Murphy? I'm honestly not sure.

I'm jealous, that's the truth. He can walk alone, neither needs nurse, but Finn is still around him. I have no mood to kill today. By the way, I don't want to stay in the camp. The company of others is bothering me, I want to be alone for a while. 

Alone with my thoughts. Not the best idea. Imagine what they do right now… imagine that Finn holds his hand because 'help to walk’... imagine they look at each other and imagine their first kiss… ENOUGH!

I need a proof of my boy's loyalty. Now. Go back to the camp. Clarke stands next the gate, she looks nervous. That's not good.   
My tent is empty… where the hell they are? Clarke says she saw them to leave the camp, they went into the forest. Together. Hours ago. The red fog blurs my eyes. Clarke was right… he is still the whore of the prison. Finn is just the next prey. 

I'm suffocating. How could I be so fool? Somehow I find my tent, where nobody sees me and my tears. I can't breathe, walking back and forth I try to stop crying, unsuccessfully. That cannot be true… I love him so much, he must love me too, he must… I can't compete with Finn. 

I don't know how much time passed until I run out of tears. My eyes are dry, but the deadly disappointment and sorrow remained with me. What do I do now?   
Someone is coming. I don't want to meet anyone.   
They are back. They are so happy… I saw this kind of happiness on him last time in the river… when we were together. How dare you! Get out of my tent! Get out of my life!   
“I don't want to see you here. Never again! Get away with this pimp! NOW!!”


	4. Love Is A Killing Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I’ve got back my former life, I am the leader of the gang, I won’t do that mistake to fall in love one more time."
> 
> "He drops a brief glance to me and walks away. No! Not the slight again… yell at me, beat me, do something!"

MURPHY

No… why? Bell… I don't… please

He pushes me away, out of the tent. Finn grabs my jacket and pulled me after himself. I’m shocked. It must be a nightmare. I understand nothing. Finn pulls me onwards, into their tent. He looks upset too. I’m freezing, all of my organs turned into stone, I became heavy, I no longer can stand. Clarke is angry, and she is questioning Finn where we were and what we did for hours in the forest. He answers, but I don’t get his words, hearing his voice but don’t know what he says. I’m freezing so badly.

Finn crouches next to me, puts his hand on my shoulder, I look at him but don’t see his face clearly. “You can stay here as long as you want.” he says, and Clarke doesn’t protest. However I refuse his offer, I couldn’t stay here. I have to fix this as soon as possible because my life is meaningless without him. But in this moment I can’t stand up either. I’m still freezing and I’m weak, literally half-dead. It’s nightfall when I get myself together and don’t really remember what happened during this time.

How cold is outside. I want to go back to his tent. It would be great if I dared. I should think… my head is empty for thinking. This feeling is worse than any torture I survived. What else could I lose if I go back? Here I am...the tent is dark and quiet, I can’t decide he is inside or not. I sit down near to the entrance embracing my knees. The night will be more colder. Perhaps I will die before the sun rise again.  
If I’m lucky enough. 

 

BELLAMY

I am the biggest fool on this fucking planet. So much I wanted to believe in his love. Could it be possible that I misunderstood him to such a degree? Was I blind? I have to go out. I want to be alone for a while, I need to think what’s next. Everything reminds me to him… the tent, the campfire, that tall guy who I almost killed because… he attacked ‘my boy’. I thought he is mine. But he never was mine. 

Our luck is that the grounders haven’t come closer to us for weeks. We have to prepare for the winter, we are not accustomed to the weather's vicissitudes. The extreme cold can kill us one by one. The skin of the hunted animals could help but I don’t know whether it’s enough. I’m sure no one will survive the winter in tents. We need more lumberman and plenty of firewood. I have to take care of my people.

He is also one of my people. What will happen to him now? Who will share the tent with him? Not of my business. He can live with Finn if Clarke let him in. I doubt that… It’s very cold, one single jacket is not a proper outfit already.  
He has only a jacket too and that shirt I gave to him in the car. He must be freezing soon… not of my business as well. I should turn back before I get lost in this green hell. 

My tent is empty… why I’m surprised? Did I hope that he come back and apologize to me? Yes I hoped that. I believed that. But he is not here and never will be again. I’ve got back my former life, I am the leader of the gang, I won’t do that mistake to fall in love one more time.  
I miss him so much…

 

MURPHY

So… cold… I’m freezing and tired. I didn't even remember how long the night was if I am alone. A new day arrives soon. And I'm still alive. My misery never ends. He is inside, I hear his breathing, I feel his presence. His words killed me, it was hundred times more painful than anything in my life. Including my parents death. I can't float his raging voice out of my mind. 

The grass have frozen around me. I'm freezing terribly. It's dawn soon, the inhabitants of the camp are waking up. He can get up in every moment. When he comes out I try to talk with him. I don't know what should I say although. Apologize? For what? I did nothing wrong. But I do it, for fucks sake, I apologize if needed…

Here is the opportunity, he comes out. Bell… please…  
He drops a brief glance to me and walks away. No! Not the slight again… yell at me, beat me, do something! Watching him to leave is incredibly distressing. I want cry, scream, run away … but this shocking pain takes my voice, my remaining strength, all of my thoughts, even my tears. 

Finn tried to come to me a few times, but Clarke held him back every time. The others don't give a damn to what happens to me. I don't mind. I wish if this horrible cramp wouldn't squeeze my chest. The sun shines so the air isn't frosty, however the sunshine doesn't relieve my trembling. 

As I sit on the ground hugging my knees and leaning my head on them someone stops behind me. The person bend down to me, tap my shoulder.  
“What's wrong lil bro?”  
Octavia? Could it be possible she knows nothing? I look at her. My face should be frightening as she reacts when sees it. She is… worrying? She called me ‘lil bro’? Strange.  
“Ask Bell. He kicked me out.”  
“Why?” she continues questioning me. Is it a joke? Or they don't talk each other?  
“Because I wasn't here yesterday when he returned from hunting. I was in the forest with Finn, he showed me a secret place where we could have spent … some time … between ourselves you know. And when we came back Bellamy became furious. He said I must leave his tent, so I'm outside.” crying stifles me.  
Octavia stares at my face for a minute then kneels besides me and give a hug. She holds me tight while rocking a little and in the arms of the other Blake I finally start to weep. 

Her quiet support is calming me down a bit. I'm able to stop sobbing. After I untied myself from her hug and wipe my eyes she offers me some water but I refuse it. O shakes her head.  
“Don't be so desperate. Bellamy is very rhapsodic. So he didn't believe you?”  
“He didn't listen me. He abandoned me before I could have explained what happened and we didn't talk since then. His words were clear, I must get away.”  
Octavia is thinking, she looks at me oddly. “You say he doesn't know your story? Don't worry lil bro, he will be here soon. Auntie O solved your problem.”  
She looks very self-confident. But it doesn't bring back my hope.

Time is passing, one hour after another, neither Octavia nor Bellamy comes back. As I expected. I don't know what was Octavia's idea, the point is that it was unsuccessful. It's afternoon already. The burning, devastating sorrow had been exchanged by a stone cold depression. I can't sit here for an another night waiting for him. It's the time to leave this camp, no one will miss me. 

Shit, how painful to stand up after a whole day sitting and freezing. I should find that little valley before the evening falls, there I can light a fire, or would be better just lie to the moss covered rock and die in silence. No guard by the gate… at least I don't need say goodbye. 

“Where are you going?”

 

BELLAMY

NO!  
That nightmare again. I found him here dead. Same as the previous time. I'm afraid I never will forget him. By the way, where he spent the night? I'm just curious… it's dreadful cold outside, I feel it even under the blanket. He might be in Finn's tent. But no… I saw Finn with Clarke yesterday evening by the campfire, but Murphy wasn't there. And he wasn't in the dropship either. So where he is? I hoped he comes back for the night…

I have to deal with important things, the winter seems dangerous. It's too cold to getting up.  
I should search him…  
Oh fuck, not of my business! He cheated me and we broke up. The end.

I must get more clothes from somewhere, what I have will not protect me from this pungent cold. Right now this is the biggest difficulty of us.  
“Bell… please…”  
Bloody hell! He was here all night long? Certainly. He looks totally frosted. I don't want to talk with him because if I do it, he will enchant me again. If I forgive him I humiliate myself even more. This will not happen! 

The hunters do their job excellently, we have plenty of skins but not enough yet. It would be good if they brought more rabbits, that little thing has the most warming fur. And it's flesh is delicious!

Hey O, what's up? Are you mad at me for something?  
“You are a selfish asshole bro. Only you can be so fool making the same mistake twice!” she yelled not too loudly. Her eyes are sparkling, I know this raging gaze. She is doubtlessly mad. But why?  
“Look Bell, it's not my business how you treat your friends, but it would be humanitarian if you'd cut his neck or hang him up again. Without evidence, as usual. What kind of tradition of you to ignore the other version? Is that your judgement? Why are you so fucking sure you own the truth?”  
O talked with him. And he bewitched my sister just like me. He has an effect on our family.  
“I'm saying it seriously, if you want to be a good leader, you must learn how to be fair. If I were you, I would be curious what happened yesterday, and would ask lil bro about it.”  
Lil bro? What the hell? I have no time for this. But Octavia is pretty stubborn.  
“He loves you Bell. No matter what you think, he deserves that you listen him in. After talking with him you can decide if he is a liar or not.”

It sounds logical… I didn't listen him. Just like when he was almost executed for someone else's sin. I was unfair to him, and now I behaved the same way. What if O knows well and my boy is innocent? What if I sacrificed him on the altar of jealousy?  
What if he cannot forgive me this time…?

A simple apologize is not enough. If Octavia's right of course. I'm not sure. I have to talk Clarke. I need an evidence and she probably knows about what they did together in the forest. But what if Finn haven't said the truth? 

Oh they work together, but I need only Clarke. I wave to her and she comes to me. Her hands are bloody, she prepared the meat for preserving. I try to ask her firmly but I'm afraid of the answer.  
“Why don't you ask him? Don't you think it's a bit late? You know what, it is. They did nothing wrong yesterday or any time since you brought him back. I trust Finn because we love each other. And you? Who do you trust Bellamy?”  
She turns back to me and returns to her work. She gave the answer from what I was scared. My boy is innocent… again.

Fuck! What should I do now? I have to think. He was sitting by my tent all night long, and he is still there, so he doesn't hate me too much yet. I just go to him and… and. No and. I betrayed him. After I promised I will protect him forever. He trusted me in vain. How can I get in front of him? I'm too ashamed.

The main gate… this guarding post is calm enough to think. I have no useful idea. Octavia called him 'lil bro’, she might help me. For his sake, not for me.  
What I've done…?  
Someone is coming, I become invisible by the help of the fence. I must find a solution to this deadly mistake.  
Holy shit… it's him. Where does he go in late afternoon? Alone?  
He leaves… escapes from me. I can't let him go. I'm so scared, he obviously hates me. And I deserve it. But he will die outside alone. I don't want to lose him. 

“Where are you going?”

MURPHY

I should ignore him as he did but I stop and look up to the sky. I haven't too much time before dark. For some reason I don't wanna wander in the forest in nighttime. He says nothing more, so I go on but after a step I feel his hand on my shoulder. Like a shocklash… why he doesn't let me go away? 

“Don't go… I want, umm I would like… oh fuck I'm so sorry! Please look at me.”  
His voice hurts. But I'm too depressed and disappointed. I put my trust in him and he betrayed me. At least, he feels remorse. But regret isn't enough now. 

“You didn't give me a chance to explain.” I say still facing to the forest. I'm afraid if I look at him, I forgive everything.  
“Do you imagine how painful was that? The grounders’ torture was nothing compared to your behaviour. They hurt my body and as you see, the wounds are almost healed. But you smashed my soul, like a mirror. An apology may glue it up, but it remains broken.”  
His forehead tilts to my nape, his hands don't let my shoulder off. I can't be strong too long. but this time I won't let him win without fight.  
“You said I must get away. It was clear and I understood.” I step forward, out of the scope of him without looking back. And he try to stop me…  
“Please don't go. I will set it right. I need you…” he is sobbing. Oh shit.  
“I don't believe you anymore. Prove that you think seriously what you said right now, find me next morning. I'll wait for you somewhere in the forest. If you find me, I forgive you. Everything.”

Dusk have fallen, I must hurry to reach the valley before the darkness arrives. I suppress the awakening hope, it's too early. He must prove at the morning, only then can I hope again.

BELLAMY

He stopped! Oh thanks for his kindness. I was so cruel with him, he could have done just to walk away like I did… I don't deserve him. His words are so bitter, so true. I didn’t give a chance. How could I define what I felt when I thought he has chosen Finn instead of me? I’m not good in displaying the love I feel for him. I know I’m a hot-headed idiot, I'm always controlled by fury first not the common sense. It would be so easy if I could say this to him…

Don’t go… my throat is dry and cramped, I can’t talk, but I have to stop him. By touch his shoulder. He winced, I felt it, maybe I'm not indifferent for him yet. No he is not neutral… more worse. His words stab me so painfully as a blunt knife. I’ve smashed the mirror of his soul. I want hug him, but don’t dare. I lean my head so that my forehead touches his neck. He doesn’t turn back, doesn’t look at me.  
I lost him… and it’s only my fault.

This happened because of my fucking pride, I wanted to seem as manly as I can, I wanted to impress a bunch of criminal and meanwhile I lost the only one person who needed and deserved my attention. I’m weeping bitterly, all of my tears are honest, but doesn’t count. He is leaving.  
“If you find me, I forgive you. Everything.”  
I got a very last chance… this time I should not ruin it. 

But how? Where did he go in this late hour? Anywhere on this planet. I won’t be able to find him till morning… Just now I realize what did he say. I collapse besides the fence. I’m staring at the darkening forest and think to that there is no safe place for him. I should have been prevented him leaving the camp. Even by force. I’m weeping again. My heart is full with despair. Next morning when I go on looking for him, I probably find only his corpse. Except if the grounders kidnap him again. And this time Finn will not help me to rescue… Finn?

He might know something. The question is, whether he is willing to tell me or not. If not… stop think to that. He will help me, for his friend’s sake. But first I have to stop crying and wipe my eyes. I trust he will not sleep yet.

Fine, he is awake. And what is even bigger fortune, he is alone. Clarke won’t disturb us. Finn looks at me, tilting his head a bit, and his gaze doesn’t looks nice. I don’t really wonder. Take a deep breathe… and ask him.  
“Did you let him go? Into the darkness?” he asks back. I can’t answer, just nod. He takes his eyes off me.  
“Do you have any idea to where he went?” I try to find a clue.  
“You have let him sitting in front of your tent all night long and then for another day. You had countless opportunities to ask him, but you missed it. I helped you rescue him, I helped you take care of him, and you caused to him only pain. Now I will not help you, because only trouble comes from it. And his life had been ruined enough.”  
“Finn please… I’m begging you. For his sake...” I tried again.  
“No, Bellamy. You don’t deserve him.”

 

MURPHY

Oh fuck, this rock is not warm like the other. Cold will kill me. Surprisingly I don’t want to die now, not until morning. Maybe he find me… if he will be strong enough to ask Finn about that day. And, if Finn will be kind enough to answer. Nah, he will help, he don’t want to hurt me. What do I do to protect myself against the frost? Tiny animals use the fallen dry leaves as blanket. Why I couldn’t do the same? I’m hoping despite the last day… but only the fools keep hoping. I’m a fool then.

Nah, much more comfortable under the leaves. I’m so tired but too excited to sleep. Hope getting stronger and stronger with every passed moment. What do I say to him when he comes? Should I keep him in uncertainty for a while? Or attack him immediately with a kiss when he appears? I love him so much, don’t care what he did. I will get him back…  
What was that noise? Someone’s coming. But it’s still night, and nobody knows about this place expect Finn and I. A group of people… what the hell? Grounders! They found me! Here is that giant who caught me last time and he has a torch… no more fire please! NOO!

Shit… just a nightmare. I’ve dreamed about the torture first time since Bell saved me. It means I fell asleep. The leaves keep my temperature warm enough, finally I’m not freezing. That’s good. How much time could be? When the sun rise? As much as I hated the morning, I never thought that I’m waiting for it so impatiently. This is a valley, I will see the sun later. Would be good sleeping a bit more, but I don’t want another nightmares. It’s dawn soon… 

What if he doesn’t come?  
No, no. He will. I know this situation is hard for him, loving me in public. I am a criminal, I have worse reputation than the others, thanks to my last partner… I should talk about him to Bell, if he comes. It was the biggest misunderstanding of the history. But I could have loved that guy, if we had more time. Then I wouldn’t be together with Bell. His life would be easier.

The first sunbeam… how beautiful. Just a thin light strip, bright and sharp, I feel I could touch it. A small ray which found a way through a tiny gap in the rock, so slim like a thread, but enlightens the half of the valley. This place has no other entrance, only that tight one behind the bushes. It remains a miraculous riddle, how Finn found it. I wish if he tell to Bellamy where I am. 

Somebody is coming and now it’s not a dream. From this point I don’t see the entrance, but I hear the footsteps. Careful footsteps, belong to a shy person. I must see who is it, Bell or Finn… It’s my guardian! He found this place, but he needs to find me. I’m so happy, my heart is beating loudly, he should hear it. He goes to the rock. Climbs up to it… looks around… and became disappointed. He doesn’t see me from there, branches and leaves are covering me. I’m smiling. He is here! He is majestic as he stands on that rock like a pagan god. 

He sits down, turn his back on me, embraces his knees. The living statue of regret. I can’t watch him idly. Maybe he won’t hear my steps, on the ground was grown thick layer of grass and moss. I’m sneaking… gotcha! He is within reach.  
“Did you miss me?”

 

BELLAMY

I don’t deserve him… Finn is right. I promised to him in the hideout car that I stay always loyal, I protect him and take on him officially as my boyfriend. I didn’t lie, but betrayed him. I’m coward to be gay. But I got a last-after-last chance from him, I will not let it go to waste. I’m bothering Finn until he answer me. I will be a leech on his back.

Oops, I forgot Clarke. She is a heavier opponent. Okay, you can close your tent, I can wait here till you come out. I wait here all night long… as he did. However he had no hope. In the morning I will constrain Finn to help me. 

That was the longest night of my life without a doubt. The cold is killing. I hope my boy is in safe, and I can see him soon. I still have his knife… I forgot to give it back to him. This is the opportunity for using it, against Finn. My hands are shivering from cold, I might cut him accidentally. I want that the least. Awful idea, forget it.  
“Help me Finn, don’t let him waiting in vain.” I try the nice way. But he just shakes his head and goes away. Leech mode on… you can not get rid of me!  
“Come on Bellamy, you want to hold it…?”  
OK, I give him ten minutes, no more. It's morning already, I must hurry. I don’t know how much time I have. Let’s go Finn, the clock is ticking.

“Now you have to do nothing else important, where is he?” my deep voice is usually operative. But not now. Screw you Finn, what do you want? I keep following him like a dog, and I’m ready to bite in any moment. Suddenly he stops walking and turns to me. Our noses almost touch each other.  
“Are you serious? Won’t you hurt him again?” he asks quietly.  
“I promise.”  
“I don’t believe you. But he gave you a chance, take advantage of it. Don’t be a butthead!” 

And he lead me into the forest in that holy moment. Dense scrub stops us quite near to the camp, he shows to that. I should go through? Finn nods and opens a little gap on the net of plants. I see the path. I tap his arm with a grateful smile and creep into the green veil. 

This is the nicest place I’ve ever seen… and it's empty. No one is here except me. Let's try to look around from that rock. Now I see how big is this valley, he may be here somewhere. The best I can do to wait here a bit. Or long. This place is fantastic… if I wouldn't have been so fool he had shown it that evening. This rock raises sweet memories. I hope we will have such moments together. 

He is here. I feel.  
“Did you miss me?”


	5. Innocent Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He is too enthusiastic, I don't want say no to him though every single cell of mine fight against it. I wish I had not given my word."
> 
> "I know that I asked pretty much, but I'm sure he is able to do it, because deep in his heart he wants it too. I always get from him what I want, he cannot resist me."

MURPHY

Awkward moment, no doubt. I should be angry, or upset but I feel nothing else than relief. He smiles at me, oh gods how much I missed this smile! I want a kiss, immediately. Much better. I can breathe now.

We must talk before continuing our life together. We must clarify my past to avoid more misunderstandings.   
“You called me whore but you weren't there in the prison to be sure, so who told you that? Clarke?”   
“It's not necessary, Murph. I'm sorry for every rude words I told you. Take my apologies…”  
“Not now Bell. I want to know why did you believe that statement without asking me. I don't mind what the others say about me, but important what you think about me. So you will listen the story of the 'whore’.”  
His face is turning to red. Too lovely when he's ashamed. I try to be short.

“You know, I had only three partners before you. Who I want to talk about is the last one. His name was Tyler, and we spent only a half day together. These few hours were enough him to teach me that joyful play what I showed you, he made me happy and satisfied. Then he disappeared, and when I looked for him the guards said he had been executed.”  
Bell shakes his head, put his finger on my mouth, but I want to tell him.   
“I thought he was the same age as I, he was …cute... with his long hair and his innocent face but he was 21 then. And the weirdest case, he asked me as the last wish. He made a deal with one of the guards to close us into the same cell for that short time he had left before the floating. I knew nothing about him, Clarke said weeks later that he was a rapist. A true monster. But then the most of people kept a distance from me already, because of the rumour we were a couple. I admit I found him attractive, he was kind with me, he would have replaced you in my life if he didn't die. Maybe. We will never know. The point is I was too sad to protest against the rumours. Now they think they know the truth, but they know nothing. Tyler and I were never a couple, we didn’t even know each other. It was just a one night affair. And he was the last. You have to decide what you believe. Only your opinion is important to me.”  
We are sitting on the edge of the rock side by side. I'm looking down, waiting his reaction. My guardian is definitely not the man of words. It's very upsetting not knowing what he thinks. I don't dare to look at him.  
He sits closer to me, I feel his arm on my shoulder, his breath on my ear.   
“That's the past Murph. We got a new life on the ground. Forget the depressive memories we have only future. Together.”  
His words are warming my heart. I lean my head on his shoulder and try to forget the depressive memories as he advised. 

Immediately appears his raging face in my mind… when he kicked me out of his tent two days ago. He said his actions are led by fury first not the common sense. I need a way to neutralise this fury, decrease the tension he feels. Maybe I know a solution, but the question is that whether he want it too. Let’s try. I jump off the rock and walk slowly to a sunlit part of the lawn. The grass mixed with moss looks as soft as velvet and comfortably warmed by the sunshine. Bell follows me, our eyes connected in one sparkling gaze. Our clothes are unnecessary, I help him undressing impatiently, meanwhile taking off my owns. He wants me, but I want something else now. Risky to ask this shy guy, but my life is one endless risk. All or nothing.

“Do you do anything I want to make me happy?” I ask him, and he freezes in that second. He suspects bad and he is right, I want something unusual.   
“I don’t hear… do you do anything? Say after me: I do anything what you want to make you happy.” he repeats my word, but I see the worrying in his eyes.   
“Swear it!”   
“I swear...” Yess, I won this battle. He gave his word. However not too willingly, and he is still unsure. What a sloppy villain I am! He deserves it, and I enjoy every moment. He sits on his heels, I kneel in front of him, perfect.

“You are still angry at me, don’t deny. I want you set this rage free and let it go forever. I want to love you today without your anger.” I begin playing.   
“I’m not angry at you. Rather at myself. What do you want from me?”  
“Maybe in this moment you are not angry at me, but what if you will next time? Will you kick me out again? And again? No, my dear. You can’t handle your strong feelings, therefore I have to do it. It’s time to derive your tension and stress.”  
Deep breathe… all or nothing.  
“Spank me.”

BELLAMY

The most silly question I’ve ever heard! I missed you like a sip of water, you lovely little bastard. Give me your lips, I get crazy soon without a kiss. Much better… I’m starved for you. 

He is offended because of my hurtful words, not a surprise. I was rude. I smashed his soul, but as I see, my charm is an effective glue for crashed soul-mirrors. That’s true, Clarke said those things about him, and I thought she has no reason to lie. As I listen his bittersweet memories about Tyler I feel the devastating wish he had for love and happiness. He could do anything for a little kindness. Literally anything. I can’t imagine that level of loneliness he felt, I always had a sister. He has probably the saddest life among the arkers.

I personally don’t remember that Tyler guy, I heard only a few rumors about the demon of the farm station. The guards said he was really evil, everyone has been relieved when he died. Except my boy, who loved him. What a hard luck series. By the way I should be grateful to him for taught those love techniques to Murphy. 

I’m sorry my rough behaviour. I didn’t use my brain. I try to control myself in the future. Both of us should forget the past and focus to our common new life. I hug him as soft as I can, but suddenly he jumps off the rock and moves back from the shadow. Bright sunlight floods his face, the sight totally dazzles me. I feel goosebumps prickle my skin on my entire body. We get rid of our clothes, kneel in front of each other on the silk-like lawn, I want his body as nothing else in the universe. 

He has other plan… as usual. What kind of play will be the next? His naughty smile, the desirable look, the short and fast breathing… it means something bad to me. He will punish me for my cruelty. I can’t imagine how, my fantasy is pretty poor for his ideas. I repeat his words, I do anything to make you happy and satisfied. I swear… I feel I shouldn’t say that, I will regret the pledge. But I already gave my word.

No baby, I’m not angry, I’m scared. I'm scared of what you want from me. I guess I'm not prepared for your needs… but yes indeed, it would be great to reduce the tension and stress. Especially those that you caused. 

WHAT? You’re crazy… No way, I can’t do that. 

 

MURPHY

Oh please Bell, I didn't ask you to cut off my head. Why are you so damn shy?   
“You will do it. Because I want and you gave your word. Are you dishonest, huh?” I'm still very good in provoking. His heartbeat is so fast as a racing horse's.   
“Come on, give me your anger and be free… I will enjoy it.”  
“It means you already tried this silliness? With Tyler, am I right?”  
“Yeees, we played this… as well. That feeling was an another universe of joy. I felt nothing similar and I want to feel your hands on my ass. I'm curious whether you are such a skillful lover as he was.”

Bingo! Comparison with the other partner is always working. He is still sitting on his heels, I don't let him stand up, lying across his thighs. I'm so excited, as never before. I know that I asked pretty much, but I'm sure he is able to do it, because deep in his heart he wants it too. I always get from him what I want, he cannot resist me.

He puts his palms to me, one embraces my hips the other lies on my butt. Little tremors of enjoyment run through on my body.   
“Are you sure?” he asks. “I don't want to hurt you.”  
“You can't hurt me. It will be fun, just do it. Slap me and let your fury go.”  
“If you say stop, I will stop okay?” his voice is extremely deep, full with excitement. I think he is curious, he also wants to play already.

And he hits me… shit! It hurts. I should have thought of Bell is so much more stronger than Tyler was. Bell is a hunter, a warrior… ouch! Maybe it wasn't the best idea. Really should be needed to think before talk. I forgot to count the strikes. I guess we are at eight or ten… ouch, fuck. It's not a joke, far not. He doesn't let me move, holds my hips tight, and hits me again and again. Oh shit… it really hurts. I should say stop. But my erection forces me to continue. I’m curious where our limits are. Ouch!!! He doesn't mind the little screams of mine, nor the infirm tries to escape. Fuck!!! At least five in line, to the same location. My tears come alive, though I don't cry. Ok, he won't stop until I don't say. That's what I wanted or not? Now I get it… OUCH! Cold sweat veils my skin. I'm shivering but not just from pain. The crazy half of me enjoys the spanking. This time it's totally different, I didn't count on Bellamy’s physical strength. OUCH!! Holy shit... He doesn't play, he proves he can do this as well. And he want to be the best of course… sssshit! Too much, I cannot continue. One more and I give up. Stop… STOP! 

Damn hell. What an experience. In a certain point of view I'm satisfied but not sure I will ask him for such action soon. My butt is burning, his caressing, massaging moves sooth the fierce pain, make it delicate and enjoyable. I can only panting, the feeling is so new, so intense, increases my lust to the highest level. 

“You beast… did you really enjoy this?” he growls and continue pamper me with light massage. The grass mutes my moans. I could lie here till the end of my life.   
Quickly wiping the tears out of my eyes, I kneel up. Strange to move, I will remember to this experiment for long days. I tap my butt carefully, it’s hot like glowing charcoal and sensitive as never before. I don’t really enjoy the pain, but the novelty is enthralling. I just hope he feels the same. My fingers dive into his curly hair.   
“You were amazing. Did you like it, didn't you?”   
“Absolutely not! Please tell that this was your weirdest wish.”  
“Don't worry I won't ask it again. Not soon at least. You're stronger than I expected.” seeing his proud smirk wakes up the little devil in me. Do you think you got away? Far not my dear.  
“And now, the next is that you fulfil my other wish. You let me starving while you went to hunt, and did those manly things what you like. I want sex with you. More than once.”  
“But no more extreme challenge. This was enough for today.”  
“Nothing extreme… for today. What was extreme in an innocent spanking play?”  
I push him a little, forcing gently to lie down on his back and kiss him with the well-known passion. My fingers make an expedition to all zones of his body, they discover the erogenous ones, and find the sceptre in its full majestic size. Too bad that this is not it's round… 

BELLAMY

That's my luck. My love is a pervert teen. Haven't he suffered enough? Why should I hurt him too? He is too enthusiastic, I don't want say no to him though every single cell of mine fight against it. I wish I had not given my word.

It’s clear, he want me to be like that Tyler guy. But what was he like? My boy said he was kind and gentle. I’ve heard the opposite about him. If Murphy hadn’t been so obedient, Tyler would have treated him as a lover? Or rather as a rapist what he really was? I don’t like this comparison with a sick-minded criminal. I don’t want like him. Perhaps this little demon truly deserves a few slaps…

He thinks it seriously, lying face down across my thighs. Why is so hard to fulfil this wish? His ass is so pretty, I would like to do with it quite another than beating. It will be fun, he says. Fun for who? Not for me, obviously… I lay my hands on him. I’m so damn nervous. Hoping he will stop me soon, let’s start.

It should hurt. His bloomy cream-white skin turns to light pink immediately. I hit him again. I try to slap him hard to reach his pain limit as soon as possible. Definitely not my game, but looks like he enjoys… I feel his erection on my thighs. However I hear his moans and silent screams too. And I feel as he pulls himself out of the range of my hands. Crazy boy, I don’t let you go until you don’t stop me. Yes, that’s the way how I can fix his madness. I give him a lesson he never forget. If this is needed, I will do it once, rather than over again. Oh shit, how I hate to hit him knowing I cause more pain than pleasure. Please say stop! Every strike is getting harder and harder than the previous, it hurts me more than him. His escaping moves get more and more stronger, I need to quit. Okay, six more and I finish whether he stops me or not. I can’t continue torture him. One… Two… Three, don’t whine fool kid, STOP me! Four… Five… well, finally! Don’t dare to ask me for this anymore.

Oh boy, it was hard. His skin is wet and cold, except on his bottom. This object flames, hot like lava and quite dark red… with scattered deep purple spots. The clues of my fingers. Try to calm him by caressing, listen his panting, and I have the feeling he is satisfied. No matter how strange, he was right, my anger is gone. Would be a lie if I'd say I don't enjoy caressing his lovely bottom. 

After a few minutes he kneels up besides me, I see some remaining tears in his eyes but he shines and smiles, my boy is definitely happy. I probably never will understand his desires. No, I absolutely didn't like beating you! Maybe the massage after it, that was a bit better. I call 'innocent play' totally different activities. You can be sure I never will repeat. 

Oh I want sex too… you can't imagine how much I want! Come to me sweetie, kiss me as only you can. Let me compensate you, I prefer the gentleness if you're the target. Do you feel how much I want your touch? I'm ready to satisfy you.

MURPHY

“It's time I bring you to heaven” he whispers on hoarse voice. I'm smiling and shaking my head.  
“Not yet. You behaved merciless with me, I pay it back now. After I had cease my hunger and you have still energy, only then have you chance to do anything with me. I am the first now.” that timid, but lustful face he shows, whips up my desire to extreme heights.

I've never was so impatient, I want to impale him with my lance. But he is not prepared… this is only the second time. However I'm not so oversized like him, without some preparation the action would be unpleasant. Finally I can use my hands. 

“This time I would like to see your face. I would like to see the rising enjoyment and the final completion in your dark soil-brown eyes.” I say while push his legs apart. Let me in, don't worry. Don't worry!  
“Please Bell, relax. Look at me, look into my eyes, look at my lips and don't be so stiff.”  
“I'm not a girl Murph… how do you…”  
“Ssshhh! I don't know what to do with a girl, but I know what's the best for you. For us. Relax and trust me.”  
In front of his watching look I lick two of my fingers, then search the small entrance of his butt. Too small yet. Even for me. He can't calming down in this position… I wish if I just would not be so impatient.

Kissing him firmly by steady eye-contact, kissing his neck then and leave new marks on his skin, playing with his nipples with my tongue and my teeth. I want to share with him my eagerness, I want upload it to him, to feel the same lust as me. Listen his panting is the most beautiful music for my ears. His anus don't squeeze my fingers so much, looks like he slowly releases himself. Good. Very good! I exhale a soft kiss to his wand. A short but strong quiver run through on it. He is ready…

Now I should make my cock slippery, I use the drop of his juice, and mine, and some salvia. I pull out my fingers, push both of my hands under his bottom to lift it up a bit, and go inside. I'm watching his face. The wrinkles on his forehead under some curly black hair, his closed eyes… the half opened mouth, what suddenly closes when I move deeper. Shouldn’t hurt what I do, he is not tight. I can move easily, in slow and lazy pace. 

I embrace his thighs near to the knees, pulling them to my chest and lean forward a bit. Weak protest, deep sigh, and a new wrinkle on his face… I lean down a bit more and move deeper. Slow down. Move in a bit even farther and stop. No new wrinkle, no moan. His lips open again, I see a pink pearl between them: the tip of his tongue. My love is the most beautiful man on the earth. 

I begin to move, first shortly for several minutes, then my pushes become longer till I use the full length of my cock. My goal is to achieve to open his eyes. Watching his face while I give him joy is really exciting. I'm too close to the end but he looks far from it, so I need to rest a bit. 

I let his legs down and grab his bum. I adjust my body position to reach him perfectly then I slide my hands towards his majestic wand. Oh yes he like it! He helps me by propping up his lower body, so I don't need to hold his weight. I can move more freely. From gratitude I gift him with a soft massage of his crown jewels. His spine curls to an arch from delight, deep groans erupt from his throat. It makes me proud.

He opens his eyes and find my gaze. I'm smiling like a little child, I reached everything I planned. I know well this expression and these noises, he want to force me increase the speed. Never my dear, never! That's my game what I play by my rules. He gasps as he runs out of energy, I'm at the finish line too, we may torn the tape in the same time… when he suddenly puts his legs around my waist. I'm totally surprised, he stopped to be passive, he initiated a new movement, he became creative! He pulls me closer, I have to lean down it's impossible to resist his strength. Lifting upper body on his elbows he stabs his gaze into mine and grab my burning sensitive butt with one hand. This intensive, shocking feeling takes all of my breath away, I forget focus to control myself, I reach the heaven first. Dazzling fireworks explode in my mind, my blood is rushing, I have never felt such strong orgasm, my bones are melting and the joy buries me alive.

Meanwhile I try to regain my self control he reaches the top too by keeping me inside him. I turned into jelly, I can't think, can't speak, can't deal with his smug smirk what I don't see just feel because I lie on him absolutely powerless. I always paid attention to his satisfaction and forgot to enjoy mine. Now he gave me freedom, thousands of new dimensions by opening the gate of his creativity. That's what I wanted. I finally created the perfect lover.  
Who is only mine.

BELLAMY

Come on give me your sweet ass and let me do something good with it. It's time to bring you to the heaven. Why not? Oh understand. That's my punishment. How lovely idea, finally a less crazy one. 

Or is it? What are you doing? I'm not a girl!! Oh shit, I cannot resist. If you want watch me, just do it. I also love to watch you. But this position… it won't be my favourite. At least you don't open without knocking. Always amazes me what you do with your tongue. I definitely love watching you…

Oohh... my sweetness! Two fingers, really? Don't you a bit impatient? What happened that ‘slow pace’ jabber? Never mind, it's not so bad and will be better soon. Mainly if you kiss me, your mouth is magical, not to mention your tongue. May I ask that unforgettable trick when you left little spots on my neck? Indeed, you really know what I need, I'm an opened book for you. 

I admit there are advantages to this pose. You can play with my nipples… oh yes… don't stop… it's so damn great. I want more! Hey, I want more, and you stop to do everything? 

Holy shit, I never thought it can be so fantastic if a boy touches my butt. Why I didn't feel this breathtaking pleasure with girls? Could be possible that I wanted a boy's love in my entire life? Especially this boy? It should be, otherwise I wouldn't enjoy so much his cock inside me. Sorry sweetie I close my eyes. 

What are you doing again… with my legs. Hey, hey it's too deep! Slow down, you greedy lunatic, give a little time to me. Hey! A little time I asked! Oh shit… please. He surely would do it if I say loudly. But no way that I complain to him. It will be better. Soon. 

Relax. Just relax. He is gentle, moves carefully. But this position… a bit uncomfortable. I owe him that I am devoted. Umm, these short pushes are quite satisfying, yes I definitely love it. Licking my dried lips I feel that he still watches me. His sight has physical weight, I feel it on my skin. Oh yes, you should raise the speed now!

Letting down my legs is the best idea today, much more comfortable, and you finally touch my butt again, even if for just a second. I ought to tell you how much I love when your hands meet my ass. Literally magnificent. Oh fuck, that's even more better, rub my cock, this feeling is simply unbearable. I'm almost in the goal line, please speed up a little! 

No? Do you play this game? Well then, I learned the rules. Opening my eyes I see him smiling, he thinks he controls the event, but he's so damn wrong. I am stronger than him, stronger than he guessed, and I use this strength now to finish this round. I need the satisfaction, my heart pounding without any rhythm, my stomach is one huge spasm. 

Let's do an unusual move, hug his waist with my legs and pull him to my chest. As I expected he leaned down to me. Only for a short time, but I don't leave him escape so easy. I lift up my body as much as I can and grip his bottom. It's still hot and obviously sensitive, but this move wings him to the upper regions of human exist.

Huh, you closed your eyes, you broken your own rules. For me a bit more difficult to reach the highest point. But I hold him tight with all of my limbs. Now… now! Holy shit! Impossible to explain what I feel. I fall backwards, my boy is lying on my chest, unable to move. 

Cannot stop grinning. I managed to surprise him on his territory, while playing his game named love. Now I'm not sorry at all that I spanked him. It was needed to my triumph. Making him happy is my mission and now I know I'm able to do it.  
Anything he wants.


	6. We Have Only Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He is so strange, I won't know him as well as I would like. He has too many secrets, too weird mind. "
> 
> "He mesmerized me as usual, and I have to admit I want nothing more than him. I behave like a girl, embarrassedly, shy and feverishly. What a shame."

MURPHY

Lying half on him, half on the silky grass, after such a satisfaction... I have pretty vivid imagination but nothing else would be more amazing than this. I feel my body weak and weightless like a bird feather. I never was so relaxed, so safe, so happy. I have a partner who is my best friend, my lover, my family in one person. I am the richest guy on the planet. 

Would be good to kiss him but I'm too lazy to move. He is not. Slips aside and turns to me leaning on his elbow. I still can't move… just enjoy the pure existing. Bell pets my hair, diving his fingers into it. Then he pulls his hand through my spine, slowly, barely touching my skin. I get goosebumps from enjoyment. Seeing the success of this move, he repeats it several times. 

Moving is not among my nearest plans. He probably feels this because he continues the caressing on my ass. It's still sensitive but doesn't hurt too much. The fierce pain was almost gone. Sad… I wanted to keep it a bit longer. Maybe I ask him to do it again. Later… now I just enjoy his touch.   
“Why didn't you stop me earlier?” he asks. “It should be painful… you know, I would have stopped without your request.”  
“I was thinking of stopping you, many times, but my curiosity was stronger. I was wondering how long I endure the hits, and which of us give up earlier. It was a kind of experiment, and now I know the answers.”  
“Just saying, you missed only one strike, I counted the last six hits. I have begun to count when you moved forward very ardently and your hands clenched while buried your face into the grass to mute a shout. Then I wanted to stop beating you immediately.”  
“And what was the obstacle? Why didn't you stop?”  
“Your wish… I wanted to fulfill your wish.”

Wow… I'm totally amazed. I relive that moment again, while his fingers run lightly on my butt. Wonderful… wonderful feeling. I must question him about something.  
“What if I need spanking again? Somewhere in the future.”  
“You have to find another partner then, I won't do it anymore.” This isn't the answer I expected… he said no very clearly. Too bad.   
“Wouldn't you mind if I’d do that? If I would search someone else for this playing? If I find another Tyler?”  
He stops caressing me… why I can't shut up? Oh fuck, I don't want to ruin this moment! Forget what I asked, I will stay quiet, I swear! 

I sit up besides him and look into his eyes.  
“Sorry…”  
They are so dark brown, almost black, as every time he is angry. What have I done again…?  
Nothing fatal, in the next minute he smiles at me. Sits up like me, takes my jawline between his hands and exhales a kiss to the tip of my nose. I close my eyes and bite my lower lip. I'm really ashamed.  
“You little crazy bastard. Why do you want to suffer eternally? If you need this madness I give it to you, but only if it's really essential to your happiness. I give you anything you want as long as your wishes aren't too extreme.”  
What could be 'too’ extreme? I don't dare to question him. Sitting is quite uncomfortable, I lie down to my side, gladly that I didn't harm him with that stupid question. 

I want more caressing… he want something else. But I'm still tired and satisfied. As I remember never happened such thing to me. I was always ready for action, in any time, but now I'm satiated. He was magical. He is magical.   
“I have lots of energy.” he says “So it's my turn, I can do anything with you now. As you said.” he kisses my cheeks, bites my ear softly. I kiss him back but my lust doesn't want to return.   
“Later, Bell. A bit later.” I say and he grabs my hair.  
“Not later. Right now!”  
What…? He scares me, his eyes are like black lightning bolt, I never saw him so dangerous. What it means 'right now’? 

He gives me no time to think, no chance to protest. I'm really scared now. I try to defend myself but he holds my wrist tightly and as he feel my weak opposition twists my arm back… and turns me down.   
“Please… I need a few minutes, just a few minutes!” begging doesn't effect either. I hardly breathe, he holds me down, he is too strong, I can't move… I can't escape. Holding my arm twisted on my back, he grapples my hips and pulls up my butt. Oh no, it's impossible he want to rape me, I try to escape desperately but my arm hurts deadly in every little move. If I don't stop floundering he might crush my shoulder. Unbelievable that he can defeat me with one hand. Oh no, no please! I imagine his huge cock and start to cry from dread, I need a little time to prepare… just a few minutes!  
“Please don't… Bell please give me a few minutes. Please don't do this! I beg you… I BEG YOU!”

I can't believe this happens…

BELLAMY

Happiness. I guess I know finally what this word means. To be together with this boy. He is my happiness. All of his crazy idea, his rashness, his childish behaviour, his innocent spirit. I learned a lot from him. The most important lesson was, how to be free. Free from my own severity. I learned enjoy what I have and what I do instead of worrying about it. I learned to be happy. I learned the real meaning of this word. I owe him so much. 

Is he sleeping? Let’s see. No… he isn’t. I never saw him so peaceful since we know each other. How beautiful. Flawless. Angelic. I need to touch him. Open with his hair. Long enough to play with it. Silky, soft locks, cannot resist them. Continue with his back. The wounds he got from the grounders are almost healed. I would like to go back in time and don’t omit those horrific actions against him. I wish if I would have been brave enough to accept myself. How beautiful he is... his cream-white skin is soft and vulnerable. By touching my fingers he becomes blissful. Seeing his thrill makes me happy. 

Go lower, to my favourite area. This fresh pink shade conjures his bottom more delicious. Like a fruit, I would like to bite it. Still warm, I love caressing and watching its flawless shape. Does he find me nice too? I should tell him how adorable he is. I should tell him I find perfect every inches of his body. And he should tell me why he has these sick wishes. I hope he doesn’t enjoy the pain, because I’m unable to hurt him every day. I must know what he felt, why didn’t he stop me.  
Curiosity… explore the limits, the novelties. Dangerous things but understandable. His loneliness caused this unusual thirst for being loved. That might be the reason he forgave me the second treason so fast. I am the only one he has… it’s scary. And incredibly sad.

No, no and hundredth times no. I said it may times I don’t want to beat him again, why does he ask it repeatedly? Why does he forces me to change my mind? I don’t like this game and never will. It cannot be so important.  
Tyler… for god’s sake how I hate this name! If he wouldn’t be dead already, I could torn him apart with my nails and teeth. I feel the red fog is descending on my mind. I have to suppress it and find a way to forget that guy once and for all.  
He knows he made a mistake. I’m not really angry, but he hurt me in the depths of my soul when he wanted me to turn into that violent sadistic idiot. Oh my boy, you have absolutely no idea who was your dreamguy! 

… but I show you, if no other solution exists…

TOGETHER

“Murphy… hey Murph… sweetie! Open your eyes, look at me, please. I didn’t want to freak you so much. Sorry, I’m so sorry.”

(Huh? Were you joking…? Brilliant.)

Let me hug you. Sit into my lap, I want nothing to do with you in this moment, don’t worry. You needn’t afraid from me. Stop weeping… sshhh… hey, calm down. I never could hurt you severely. How could you think I’m able to rape you?   
I kiss his forehead barely touch his skin with my lips. I hug him as tender as I can, hoping I didn’t lose his trust definitively. I caress his hair, his back, rub his twisted arm and shoulder, to stop the shaking. I went too far. 

(That’s fine. Calm me more… that’s so good! Just worry about me. And be gentle. I cry a bit more, don’t stop caressing.)

I wanted you forget that criminal, he poisoned your mind with his madness. You can’t wish that I be like him. Now you saw I can behave extremely despite I hate to do.   
I want to kiss him but I’m afraid it would be too early. After the trauma I caused to him. How could I be so stupid? He seems tiny and fragile as he sits curled up in my arms. I hold him tighter and kiss his forehead again, this time I do it firmly, propping his head up from back, then I pull his face to my shoulder. His shaking is over. And he stopped weeping. I really hope he doesn’t mad at me.

(Holy shit, how much I enjoy this pampering! My dear Bell, I never wanted you to be Tyler. I have chose you, he was only an affair. A few exciting experiences and a sweet memory. Nothing else. Yes, you can acting unexpectedly… you frightened me as fuck! I must admit I was scared deadly. Too pity, that this joke works only once. I could endure this treatment every day. Especially this kiss! Oh boy, do it again, and I’ll be ready for anything!)

He is so strange, I won't know him as well as I would like. He has too many secrets, too weird mind. Those sick thoughts are quite natural to him, I neither can speak about them nor do it. What if he really looks for another partner after my mistake? I continue pamper him, I just adore his velvety skin.  
“Can you forgive me this stupid joke? Are we still a couple? Or friends at least? Wake up Murph…”

(I will laugh soon… I come out from his warm hug and push him back, looking at his surprised face was worth that shock he caused.  
“Stop meowing granny, and kiss me like a man!”)

What the… you naughty freak, you tricked me, oh how I love you, my little jester. You called me granny? How dared! Take this...

(Hey, stop! You said a moment ago that you are unable to hit me, what's this attack against my poor butt? Ouch, okay, these two strikes were enough.   
“Yet you like to slap my ass, cheater! And acting viciously was really extreme step from you. You scared me deadly… I thought you will… finish what you started. I was terrified. Honestly.”)

“I thought you mentioned Tyler because you miss him. I wanted to achieve to forget him, even his memories. I wanted to erase him from our life. Once and for all. Do you understand this? Can you still trust me? I'm not dangerous for you.”

(“I know, I trust you. My love didn't change either. I was just get surprised. So stop apologize, we are dating now, kiss me, caress me, love me as it has been.”  
Lying on him I show what I mean. He looks amazed.  
“You overreact everything. That's too bad, leeches lots of energy. Look at me, I'm fine though you terrified me repeatedly. I've scrolled to a new page, after I got an evidence you still loves me. Let the past passing away. As you said we have only future.”)

Wise words… from a kid. He takes the life with a huge dose of frivolity, that's not less bad as my overreacting.   
“And what about your soul mirror? Could I managed to glue it up?”

(“No. You put a brand new glass into the frame.”)

I can't express how much I love him. 

(I'm curious when he will desire me again. My hunger sneaks back. Feeling the warmth of his skin and his soft touch, seeing his delightful face and his smile bring my lust back. I sit up on his abdomen, don't letting him doubt my wish.   
“It's your turn. Be creative.” I say and his bashful reaction gets laughing me. He will never change.)

Incredible how he can get over anything bad. Be creative… I want to make him as happy as he was never before. I got an idea how I achieve this. I lift him up a little by holding his waist.  
“Lie down besides me. Aren't you afraid from me, are you? Good. I won't disappoint you.”  
And he lies down without hesitation. We are in the same position as an hour ago. Now I will taste his pink fruit. 

(I'm not afraid. Maybe I worry a bit. But not afraid. What is he going to do? Oh … he remembers how use his tongue and lips. Begins on my neck, ooohhh yess, he left marks on me. He learns quickly.)

I kiss every scars on your back. I know you already forgot it but for me goes not so easy to step forward. The nightmare of that day still haunts me. Now I feel only fondness for you. 

(What's wrong…? Why you hug me as if this would be the last day of our life?   
He holds my waist tightly and buries his face between my shoulder blades. Not bad at all. Some vagrant locks of hair and hot breath is tickling me. )

Time to change position, I sit astride on his thigh, right beneath his bottom and continue caressing his back with my lips. I really enjoy doing it, and the greatest delight still waiting for me. 

(Very creative… oh my sweetness… nobody kissed my bottom before. It's breathtaking. Much more than breathtaking… holy shit…. that is extreme! He makes me slippery instead of himself. With his tongue. I… I'm… I'm thrilled.)

Looks like my plan was successful. He couldn't be more ready for taking my tool in. Leaving a little goodbye-spot on his pink skin with my lips. Strange that I don't feel awkward what I do. I enjoy his sighs and moans, wanna give him more. 

(Oh so good… he is perfect. Come in, the gate is open.   
“Lift me up like previously” I exhale the words, but he just continue what he planned.)

“Later. Slow pace is a part of my gift, do you remember?”

(How could I forget my own words! But I didn't know it's such a sweet misery if I'm on the other side and when I'm in love with the partner. His size… uuhh, I don't mind the slowness.)

Much better to control the act. It was truly enjoyable when he ruled but being the ruler adds unique taste to the delight. I can be a boss and do whatever I want. In this moment the only thing I want is making him the happiest boy of the world.  
He wants me lifting him up. Unbelievable the speed he forget bad things and unbelievable his everlasting trust in me. I’m afraid if I fulfill his wish, I kick myself to the gameover. I want to love him longer, who knows when can we spend a whole day together again. 

(Yess, this lifting move is really magical when he doesn’t twist my arm, he shifts me as easily as if I were made of paper. My… goodness… the end is just a few minutes away. I feel as I become lighter, I will be weightless until glowing icy whiteness dazzles me, the world ceases to exist as the miracle fascinates. Now it's unique again, never the same, only the effect is familiar as my strength disappears to give way to pleasure.  
He was faster… some further practice is needed if he wants to be professional in my love method. But I must admit he was inimitable. It will take me a few hours to regain my power.)

Pulling his bottom up by holding the hips is more exciting than I expected. The desire for satisfaction chokes me, how the hell could I slow down myself, no way it’s possible. The explosion is cathartic and devastating in the same time. I feel the blackout is coming as the aftereffect of the ecstasy what I feel only with this boy, like it would be his own magic and he would share it only with me. Come on little magician, I run out of energy…. oh gods above. Finally. I need rest. Long rest…

(Lying besides each other again. Recharging our batteries by stare at the other’s satisfied face. This should be the Heaven from old myths. We spent almost a day together. The sun left the valley, daylight is visible, but the lack of warming sunbeams cools the place. I’m freezing, the sweat of joy dried on me, and I’m deadly tired after two sleepless night and mostly after this day. But I’m happy. I’ve never was so happy in my entire life. I wish if we had a blanket. I wanna sleep…)

How beautiful he is… no wonder I'm jealous. No matter that I am alone with my adoration. Cold takes possession of the valley since the sun went away. I should have been smarter to bring a blanket. But who could thought this will happen? Now we need to go back if we don't want to freeze. Or at least put our clothes up. Waste of the afternoon… but when I think in it, I would not able to do anything.   
“Shall we go back?”

(“No. I have no place there. Your tent is forbidden to me, the others hate me, so it's better if I stay here.”)

What's this stupid talk?   
“Does it mean you won’t come back with me? And if I beg you? Please.”

(“After two weeks or so you will kick me out again. For any reason, because it’s your nature. I stay here, and you can come to me whenever you need my company. This is the best solution.”)

“If you stay I stay. But now I have to dress up before I get frozen. You should do it too...” my fingers feel his skin ice-like cold. I collect our clothes and give him theirs. He sits up and looks at the pieces of his outfit as if for the first time he saw them. After a short thinking he goes still naked to the stone wall behind the flat rock. I don’t see what he does there.

(It would be good if I could believe him...this valley is a safe place, I can get anything I need, except food. Of course. Yeah, it’s cold, but I need a bath before put on these clothes. The spring water’s coldness doesn’t fascinate me but I’ll survive. I want to be clean. And I’m thirsty…)

A spring… he found a spring and keep it in secret. It seems not so easy to forgive, as he shows.   
“May I join to you? I can help wash your back… okay, at least let me drink.” his sight is sharper than a grounders’sword.

(“I didn’t say no. If you’re thirsty serve yourself, the water is free.” why I’m so spiky again. It’s a post euphoric stress or what? I don’t want to harm him, the sharp words are coming by themselves. Now I’m clean enough, and feel like a piece of ice. This shirt isn’t too warm but more than nothing. And I can cover myself with leaves at the night again. No problem with staying here.)

Hedgehog mode on. What I’ve done again? When will he stop acting odd? Somehow I should persuade him to come back with me. This place surely will be frosty at night. Be honest to yourself Bellamy, you don’t want to leave him alone.   
“How can I convince you to share my tent with me? I simply cannot go back without you. I need you. I need your company in every moment.”

(“Why…?” silly question, but I’m really curious what he says.)

“Because… you are…“ I have to say something credible. I must to be honest. “Because you’re my other half. You owe everything in you what I lack. You gave something to me, you gifted me...” how much sincerity is enough in such situation? Whatever. I finish what started. We stand on the both side of the shallow recess where the water was gathered. I look into his eyes, the bluest blue abyss. Those eyes can be softly warming like the midday sky, but they can also slash like a razorblade. It depends on what I say.   
“You gave me peace. You gifted me… with harmony. Whether I accept it or not, you became essential for me, that's the truth.”

(“Touching. So you promise me the safety again, if I understand well. How many times I heard that? I know how unpredictable you are.”  
To be rude is meaningless, both of us know that I forgive anything because he is that Bellamy Blake about whom I've dreamed for years. Then why I'm so rough? I can't answer this question.)

“Don't you see we are the same like the two end of the same piece of magnet? You talk to me harshly without any reason. I was angry at you for nothing. Where is the difference?”  
I'm calm, take advantage of this. Go closer to him, within reach. I almost feel the spikes of his gaze physically.   
“I've said honestly that you gave me peace. But I understand if you don't trust me anymore. Anyhow, I'm going to stay with you. Here, in the camp, or somewhere else doesn't count.”

(Awesomeness. He mesmerized me as usual, and I have to admit I want nothing more than him. I behave like a girl, embarrassedly, shy and feverishly. What a shame. But I can't hold myself back, stepping closer I give a hot kiss to him then I go to find my jacket. The coldness defeated me.  
I'll return to the camp. Together with my boyfriend.)

Not easy with him… I need every little piece of my patience. No doubt, he is worth to be patient. If I'm unpredictable what he is? A riddle.   
The light is illusive due to the high cliffs, it's darker here then outside, not necessary to hurry. I don't want to go back either.

(I'm deadly sleepy. Weariness is overwhelming me in waves, in this moment I feel like I'm going to faint right away. We should go soon or I fall asleep here.  
He takes a bath in that icy water. I should have told him sooner that here is a spring. I forgot it, never mind. He could be faster, I wanna rest.)

Sometimes I think about what kind of feeling could be a shower with warm water… probably it remains secret in my life. But being clean is worth to getting cold a bit. And it's not the winter yet. What if the weather gets more colder? We will be frozen. One by one.  
Where is my sweetie? Oh boy, he fell asleep. Lying close next to him to keep him warm as much as I can. He must be very tired, we don't have to hurry, so it's not any problems with some rest.   
Some rest? Fuck… it's dark night already! We were nearly frozen. Although I don't want to bother his dream he must wake up.   
“Murphy. Hey wake up, it's not the most appropriate place to sleep all night. Murph! No time for joking, wake up now!”

(“I'm awake. Don't yell. And I feel the cold don't worry. I'm just too tired, I slept almost nothing for three days.”  
But I have to sit up then stand up, and maybe I can walk as well. How much time is it? I don't dare to leave this place in darkness. Neither with Bellamy.   
“Wait until morning. Over there, under that huge tree is a pile of dried leaves, we can use it for covering ourselves against the frost. I did it last night, it was good.”)

“See Murph, I know you're afraid to go out at night but I'm here with you, I can defend you, and anyway this valley isn’t too far from the camp. Ten minutes or less. Come on.”  
I'm preparing for carrying him if it's necessary. I see the dread in his eyes. Not surprise at all.

(“Okay… if you're sure, only ten minutes. Ten. Not more. Let's go…”)

Brave boy. He doesn't forget the horror just can handle it when he is in safe. I'm very envious of this ability of him.   
Well, where is the exit? I don't remember and see nothing in this tufty blackness. Perhaps he is right, bad idea to leave now when I can't find even the path leading out. 

(“You're lost? Fine… follow me then.” Like him I see almost nothing but I feel the right direction somehow.)

Impressive the way he can orient himself.   
“Stay behind me. And don't worry.”  
But I'm afraid too. Someone is out there, I hear the noise of moves. Anybody is that doesn't have torch. Doesn't want to be revealed. I must know how many they are, maybe we have to spend the night in the valley. They haven't found the entrance yet but if I come out this situation can be changed. The leaves and branches of the bush hides the gap can betray me by its rustling noise.   
“Don’t move!” I whisper to Murphy and carefully step forward...

(Of course I won’t, but you shouldn’t either. One night outside the camp couldn’t be so big deal you risk your life for it. I grab his arm to hold him back, in vain. As usual he does whatever he wants.)

It seems the person out there didn’t notice me, fortunately the forest is not so dark than the valley. Pale moonlight glimmers between the trees. That’s good for me, I can see a human silhouette. Small person. Like a child or a woman… in this time? Here? Moreover alone? Try to step closer… fucking dry twigs. She heard me. A flashlight's ray floods a narrow area near to me.  
It’s Octavia!   
“Turn that shit off.” I say. “What are you doing here?”  
“Looking for you, idiot. We thought you were captured.”  
“How did you know where I am? Finn told you?”  
“Finn told nothing just showed a direction, and all I found was a rock wall. You know what? I walked around this cliff in vain. Can you imagine what I felt? Did you find him at least?”

(“Yeah he found me.” I say quietly. With help. Without you he never would have admitted I'm important to him. Thanks O, maybe someday I tell you this. But I think you know how grateful I am.   
She doesn't hug me though she seems to want, just fists gently my shoulder and smile at me so nice that I hardly believe she is really Octavia Blake.)

“You look much better lil bro. I'm glad to see you.”

“You didn't greet me so warm… I should be offended.” I'm not of course. These two people means the world to me, it's great that they like each other.   
O leads us back, don't using the flashlight. She has the same ability to see in the darkness like Murphy has. Their similarity is kind of weird. 

(“Octavia… I want ask you don't speak about what happened between us yesterday. I mean I was very sad and…” she doesn't let me continue.   
“I'm not a gossip girl. Your weeping on my shoulder remains in secret don't worry.”  
“Um, thanks… big sis.” restrained laughing leaves her mouth.   
“Is there a cave in the cliff?” she asks. Instead of answering I look at Bellamy, but of course in the darkness we don’t see each other. Fortunately he feels my eyes as always.)

“Sort of. Not a real cave, it might be in the past but now it hasn’t ceiling. But the entrance is hidden and it stay to be hidden. Okay?” 

(“It’s our secret dating place, you know?”)

“Shut up Murphy… my sister isn’t interested in the details.” there is nothing else needed, than the whole camp talking about our relationship. This is just our business.

“What if your sister is interested in? I don’t care what you two did there but if that place is capable of protecting against winter, we have the right to know it. And use it before we are frozen to death.”

“I said a moment ago, that place can’t give any protecting, it has no ceiling, no entrance, and too small for hundred person. Please don’t tell the others about it.” I also thought about that. The valley is far not so small, but the lack of the entrance… it could become easily a trap of us. No. The best is if nobody knows about its existence except three of us.  
Our camp. O sends a signal to the guards, very smart. She is a better leader than I ever will be. I should stop forcing this boss-thing, it caused only trouble for everyone.  
How many guys make up the main gate patrol? I remember three, but now I see at least seven or more people. They were worried about us… even Clarke is here. Embarrassed. Say hello quickly guys, I’m sleepy, we can talk tomorrow. I need my bed.

(Welcoming committee? Really? In the end I will feel like I'm one of them. Do I see Clarke? Unbelievable. The princess came here only because his man, I’m sure. Finn look glad to see me, it feels good to me. Now that they have seen us intact and in one piece, the crowd is dispersed. It's late at night, not just I'm deadly tired.  
“Hey Murphy!” not now, please.  
“Yes, Griffin?” I stop but don’t turn back.  
“Welcome back.”  
That deserves a surprised gaze, I look at her. However I can’t say anything, just show a light smirk and a nod towards her. She is smiling. I’ve never thought that.  
I’ve never thought I get a family once more in my life.   
I have found a place where I belong.  
Maybe I can be happy...


End file.
